The Four Keynote Speakers of the Apocalypse

The end is nigh, sort of.

That’s the general vibe, at least, of the headlines. Robots are coming for our jobs, a certain somebody keeps playing chicken with North Korea, and those darn Millennials continue to murder perfectly innocent industries.

According to the Christian apocalyptic vision, when the last judgement is on its way, four horsemen will ride out as harbingers spreading unpleasant things like famine, war and death. Since things seem to be going in that direction, I propose we rally some Keynote Speakers who’ll be able to fight the good fight for the sake of humanity.

 

The White Keynote / Pestilence

Sure, we’re hard at work creating antibiotic-resistant superbugs, but the really problematic pestilence of the future is more likely to be a plague of hackers. We’ve come a long way since Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller laid out the Hacker Manifesto, and the everyday threats to organisations are starting to get serious. Data theft, corporate espionage and mischief-making are set to become regular features of our lives as we move further into a world dominated by digital technology.

Fear not, though. Graham Cluley has been at the forefront of cyber security for 25 years, so if you find yourself infested with Ransomware, he’s the man to help. Stepping away from the headline talk of zero day attacks, he looks at the real-world security breaches that have cost businesses millions. Graham also offers ways to identify and deal with cyber attacks that you can implement without having to know what DDoS stands for.


The Red Keynote / War

War. Huh. Good God.

Things are getting febrile on the geopolitical front. The US keeps starting playground fights, the head of the British army says Russia is the biggest threat to the UK since the cold war, and North Korea has been accused of pursuing nuclear missiles “recklessly”. So, things could be better, is the bottom line.

If you’re struggling to get your head around the decisions being made for us by very stable geniuses, James Rubin might be able to clear things up a little. Having served under Clinton and advised Obama, he’s in a unique position to assess the role of the US and how it uses its power abroad. He also talks Russia, Europe, the Middle East and Asia – so when the “dark clouds of nuclear war” appear in the sky, at least you’ll know what’s going on.

 

The Black Keynote / Famine

The robots are coming, and when they get here they’re going to snatch up all of our construction, data-analysis and agricultural jobs (along with many, many others). As much as I’m looking forward to a 7-day weekend spent entirely in the comfort of one of those hovering mobility-scooters from Wall-E, the AI revolution is likely to leave a lot of us hungry for something to do.

In the face of employment famine, Calum Chace offers a fascinating and only slightly deeply unsettling keynote speech. He examines what artificial intelligence is, where it’s come from, and where it’s going – providing a layperson’s guide to the implications for employment, the economy, and society at large. So when the time comes for uploading, we can welcome our Robot Overlords with open headjacks.


The Pale Keynote / Death

Uh oh, those pesky Millennials are at it again! No longer content to build little houses out of avocado toast, now we’re killing off restaurant chains, retailers and the car industry. What are we like?

Kevin Gaskell has saved countless companies from death. He’s been brought in to rescue floundering businesses from automation to technology, luxury boats to garden centres. While he was at BMW, he grew sales by 80%. Within five years he turned Porsche into the most profitable car company in the UK. So if Gen Z’s promiscuous approach to brand loyalty is getting you down, Kevin’s keynote might give you – and your company – the kiss of life.


Conclusion

If you’re convinced the End of Days will be brought on by something I haven’t listed here (global warming, super volcano, zombies), take a look through our bank of keynote speakers and see if there’s somebody who might be able to reassure you. What’s the use of worrying?

To book any of the above speakers, please contact us here.

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