Guy Browning’s Guide to Corporate-speak

There are two kinds of business speaker. The first is the brave men and women who make speeches at conferences; the second is anybody in the corporate world who uses bizarre jargon as part of everyday language. If you’re not up to speed, here’s a beginner’s guide by the David Attenborough of the business jungle, Guy Browning.

 

Al desco

Anything done at the desk: lunch, phone call, sex etc

 

Bleeding Edge

The cutting edge of cutting edge

 

Blue Sky Thinking

Staring out of the window

 

CLM

Career Limiting Move

 

Come to Jesus Meeting

A meeting with life changing implications

 

Covered Off

Something done to cover backside

 

Data-free Analysis

Guesswork

 

Disintermediate

Do it yourself

 

Dogfooding

Testing your own product

 

Due Diligence

Check for criminal record or other nasties before lifting your kimono (qv)

 

Elephant in the Room

Truth unspeakable as would be CLM (qv)

 

Face Time

When home workers remind their employers who they are

 

Future Proof

To ensure relevance going forward (qv)

 

Glide Path

The pattern something describes going forward (qv)

 

Going Forward

A phrase added to dull thoughts to imply energy

 

Head Ups

Warning that something will be going forward

 

Joined-up

Basic common sense has been applied

 

Lifting Your Kimono

Revealing some of your business secrets

 

Meta Ignorance

Not knowing what you don’t know

 

Mission Critical

Quite important

 

On it, I’m

Had forgotten but will do it now

 

Optics

Window dressing

 

Out of the Box

Something easy to use immediately

 

Outside the Box

Where you think to get out of the box things

 

Phone it in

Put in least possible effort

 

Pushback

Pushing an idea back into the box outside of which it was thought

 

Stakeholder Engagement

Widest possible arse covering

 

Sweat the Assets

Work everything that isn’t you harder

 

Win-Win

A way of making a normal deal sound special

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